We are created as relational beings, why? Because God Himself is relational. “We must realize that God, the Father, is a Person. God, the Son, is a Person. God, the Holy Spirit is a Person. The Holy Spirit, for example, is not a “divine blast” as someone once described Him. He is not an “it.” The Holy Spirit is a Person with Whom we can establish a personal I-Thou relationship. The word “Person,” as applied to the Trinity, should help us understand that each Person of the Trinity is Someone to Whom we can speak. Whom we may make a request, Whom we can love, Whom we can praise, and with Whom we can establish a daily personal relationship.” Unfortunately, in Western culture and even more so in America, we’ve grown to think that the more independent you are, the healthier you are. However, psychology shows the farther we are from each other, the unhealthier we are. When we read the account of creation in Genesis, Scripture says that Adam saw each animal had their comparable companion. For him, though, there was no one. However, Adam was in the presence of God in a much more different and complete way. It did not mean he was not subject to a desire for companionship. That is why God creates Eve, someone to be his companion. We need God, and we need each other. If there’s anything the field of mental health shows us, it is that connection is central to our lives. We need love, every single one of us. There’s nothing “weak” about needing someone.
You may have told someone or someone said to you, “you are needy.” There’s usually a negative vibe or connotation linked with this term. As mentioned, Western culture prides itself on being “independent,” so to be viewed as needy is to be seen as weak. Take a step back and ask yourself, what in the world does that mean? Usually, it implies that a person needs more attention, affection, love, and other things.
When you judge, label, and shame someone as being “needy,” you give yourself a sense of superiority. Since there’s an underlying assumption that you don’t have needs or don’t need as much, which goes back to the idea of being “independent.” However, that couldn’t be farther from reality. You may not need more attention, but you need space. You may not need affection, but you need autonomy. Everyone has needs; it isn’t one person who is “needier” than the other, you have different needs, and that’s okay. In your relationships, two people can be together, although they have different needs. But the difference in a healthy relationship and one that is unhealthy is that the former requires assertive communication and healthy boundaries. Whereas the latter, if you expect a person to read your mind or automatically know your needs, you’ll build resentment. Yes, being attuned to a person is excellent. However, it’s unfair for you to expect people to understand your needs without expressing them. Expressing our needs in relationships is not a one-time thing either; your needs have a natural ebb and flow based on many factors.
Moreover, different relationships will have different needs, requiring you to communicate your needs in different ways compared to each connection. The idea of meeting your own needs is noteworthy, and having your autonomy is needed. But we are relational beings created for connection; plenty of research shows that it isn’t positive when people live in isolation from human contact. The main point is to realize that I can only allow my needs to be fulfilled as much as I am willing to let others imperfectly be there. God has created this need, not as a weakness but to drive us to Him and each other.