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A friend said my posts’ titles are “clickbait,” which I found very funny because it is very, very accurate. There is a point and reason, though, to use these titles; I feel passionate about the things I’m writing to you because, beloved reader, people are suffering a lot. It has not even been two weeks into my internship, and something I’ve learned quickly working with sex addicts is that no one is beyond this pain and hurt.

From the 2nd to the last post, I mentioned how a person could be a sex addict and not even realize it. Marriage is not a mere formality for two people to engage in sex. Now at first, of course, you’ll agree with me. However, it’s not always so outright and clear. A person can be married and only have sex with their spouse and not view pornography yet is still a sex addict. Sex then becomes a way for a man or woman to escape intimacy and not an expression of it. Mark Laaser continues in his book, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, “in this case, the sex addict treats his [or her] spouse simply as a body and not as a spirit. Here, sex, although it is with a spouse, is really no different than masturbating. In these situations, the same characteristics of addiction apply. Over time, the addict wants more and more and becomes bored and unfulfilled in the marital sexual relationship. On the surface, he is faithful. But God, looking at his heart, discerns his motives.”

Unfortunately, I have encountered many youth and people who view marriage only as a pass to sex; this is not high school where the priest is like the teacher writing you a pass to go to the nurse’s office. This thought of marriage as a pass to sex may be partly due to how sex itself is viewed. I mean, it makes sense, right? If you view sex as a transaction, then marriage is just the middle man. Think of it like this, maybe. Sex is the cool car you want to drive. But to drive that car, you need to buy it, and what do you need to buy it? A salesman. You talk and at first might be friendly to the salesman, because they have what you want, the car. Soon after, the salesman needs to make a profit for his commission, so he doesn’t give right in. So you just put up with the salesmen only because you really want to drive that car. Of course, this analogy is supposed to express the unhealthy view of marriage and sex we have today. Sex is not a transaction but rather an action of love and connection between husband and wife.

Okay, this post is about to definitely not be rated G. Still, when God and the Church calls a man and woman in marriage, one flesh, it is not only poetic or symbolic words. A man and woman symbolically and literally become one flesh. The one flesh is spiritually realized through the functional and physical relationship of a husband and wife. I’m somewhat still not being outright because sex is something holy that should be spoken about in a sacred way, not in a crude manner. But to put it frankly, one flesh is realized practically and physically through the sexual anatomy of the husband and the wife. 

We need to begin to change the way we view sex. We begin to change the way we view sex by actually talking about it and not leaving it to the imaginations of children and youth. Those children and youth become adults and then teach their children and youth, which only perpetuates distorted views. Now, this might come off a little bold, but if talking about sex makes you uncomfortable, then great! No one ever grew, being in their comfort zone.

Watch this short 2-minute video below! Feel free to comment!