Today is the feast of one of my favorite saints. St. John. He has many titles, the Evangelist, the Disciple, the Apostle; however, he is most well-known for being called the Beloved. How did he get that title, though? Did you know that the Holy Bible does not mention him as “the Beloved” at all?! I didn’t realize this until one of my brothers in the diaconate at St. Verena told us about it. He is called the Beloved because St. John knew Christ loved him. In the gospel he wrote, he mentions himself as being “the disciple whom Jesus loved” in 5 different verses. He didn’t say, “I’M the disciple who Jesus loved,” lest to come from a place of pride and pompous. But he says “the disciple whom Jesus loved” because he knew Christ loved him. Not an intellectual sort of knowledge, or what we call head knowledge. But rather a deep conviction in his heart that he learned from the personal experience and relationship he had with Christ. A conviction that touched every part of his being and transformed his life. Each one of us is the beloved of Christ. Each one of us is the disciple whom Jesus loved. The question is not if He loves us or not but have we internalized this love from our Lord Jesus Christ? Often our toxic shame is so internalized that it becomes part of our being, part of who we are, or who we identify ourselves as; this leads us to deny the love that the Holy Trinity offers to us and thus the love that others give us as well. May we allow ourselves to continually live in the present moment of God’s love towards us as St. John did.